What is "Date Rape?"

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• 1 It's rarely a stranger

  When talking about rape, often, people attach an image of a masked assailant jumping out of a dark alleyway to a rapist.

  While this happens in some cases, it is rare. Most rapes are not committed by a stranger, but by people who know their victims. Many victims have met or gone out with their assailant previously and are supposedly their friends. This is called “acquaintance” or “date” rape.

  One common misconception is that rape can’t occur between two people who have been friends or intimate before. The truth is that a rape occurs anytime one person forces a sexual act on another person against their will, regardless of any existing relationship between the rapist and the victim.

• 2 Safety tips

  It is not possible or even advisable to go through life like you may be attacked at any time. Rape happens ultimately because of a choice made by the rapist – not because of the choices of the victim.

  However, there are some precautions that you can take which you may find useful:

  • It may help to stick with a group of friends and look out for one another. Make a pact with friends when you go out socialising that you will make sure everyone gets home safe. Use a buddy system to watch out for your friends. This is especially important if you will be drinking.
  • Never hesitate to ask for assistance or to scream if you feel in danger.  You may find this embarrassing, but your personal safety is worth it!
  • If someone makes you feel uneasy, trust your instincts to avoid being alone with them.
  • Be clear and concise with others in setting boundaries for your body. If you and someone else begin doing something that you are not sure about, don’t hesitate to be firm in letting that person know that you are not ready. Do not worry about offending them – if they are genuinely respectful of your boundaries, they will understand.
  • Be aware that your judgment may be impaired under the influence alcohol and drugs.
  • If you are meeting someone for the first time, including someone you know from the internet, meet in a public place and let a friend or family member know where you will be, as well as when you expect to be home.
• 3 If you are a victim of date rape

  Here are some things that you can do if you are a victim of date rape:

  • Call someone that you trust and feel safe with. Tell them what happened, and what they can do to help you.
  • Do not hesitate to seek medical attention at a hospital, polyclinic or via your GP
  • You can call or drop-in, to any police station and report.  If possible, keep all of the physical evidence intact by refraining from washing or even changing clothes.
  • If you want to report the rape, it is helpful if you write down everything that you remember about the attack.
  • If you would like someone to accompany you to the hospital or the police, AWARE can arrange for a befriender to go with you. Contact our Sexual Assault Care Centre (SACC) at 6779 0282 or email sacc@aware.org.sg .
• 4 What if I feel like the rape was my fault?

  Some victims feel like rape is their fault.  Rape is never the victim’s fault – it is the result of the rapist’s choices.

  Trauma and feelings such as self-blame, can prevent victims from seeking support.  Self-care is an important first step to recovery; of particular importance is emotional self-care, through professional services such as counselling.

  If you aren’t sure what happened to you was rape, a rape crisis counsellor or health care provider can listen and talk through your concerns in a confidential, supportive, non-judgmental environment. Contact the Sexual Assault Care Centre (SACC) at 6779 0282 or sacc@aware.org.sg.

• 5 What are the effects of rape?

  Rape has a devastating effect. Some survivors manage the effects of what they have experienced rather than fully recover, others feel the effect for a long period of time.  No one should have to go through this alone.  Our counsellors work to support survivors on their road to recovery, and our befrienders can accompany you to the police, hospital and court.

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• 1 Watch a video about date rape and victim-blaming here