Single parents in Singapore grapple with many challenges and restrictive rules when it comes to meeting a basic need – housing. Read our recommendations for how policies should be more inclusive of single parent families.

Below is Steph’s story on her experiences with applying for housing.

I had my daughter in 2003 when I was only 17 years old. Being a teenager, single, and unwed, I knew the road ahead will be tough and challenging but I wasn’t quite prepared for the lack of support the government gave me at that time.  

Being denied the Baby Bonus, childcare leave and tax relief available to other mothers are just small issues compared to the housing issues I have faced for more than 10 years and counting.

My first experience was when I was in my early 20s and my daughter was less 3 years old. I had approached HDB to seek to rental housing from them. But my application was denied as they said that they did not recognise my daughter and myself as a family nucleus, and as a single I would need apply with another adult. I tried to explain that I am a single mother and it was difficult to get another applicant. I had also seen an MP at that time, who point blank told me that he wasn’t able to help because I had to understand that “we don’t support this type of situations.” That was the 2nd time an MP had said that to me directly.

I continued to stay with my mum but things weren’t always great, and I had no other way out. I tried to apply for HDB rental a few years later but was denied again. This time, it was because I had earned more than $1500 per month and again because I didn’t have another signature for the application and they still said my daughter and I were not a family nucleus.

Eventually I had to move out from my mum’s place because of the differences we had, but because I had to rent a private room, I couldn’t take my daughter with me as this was unsafe for her. This caused a HUGE strain in my relationship with my daughter and it’s a strain that I am still mending today. My daughter felt like I abandoned her which in her eyes was true, but how do you explain to a child you can’t afford to house her safely in the private market?

In mid-2016, we got news that my mum’s cancer was getting worse and that her time was limited. With this news, I had approached HDB again asking if I can make an appeal to buy a flat seeing that my income was much better and that my mum was sick and will be passing away soon – I was just hoping to secure a place for my daughter and myself. Again, I was turned away.

My mum passed away in Nov 2016, willing her flat to my sister. I had approached HDB again to explain that I didn’t get my mum’s place and now I need to look for a place for my daughter and myself. Again, I was turned away.

But my lucky stars lined up nicely in June 2017, where I manage to find a place in the private market and the rent was low. I also had a job change that allowed my finances to pay for it. This time around, I was able to move out together with my daughter. But being at the mercy of a landlord isn’t always the best thing.

In Sept this year, I decided to try again with HDB to get my appeal to buy a flat. And by another stroke of luck, this time I managed to get an approval.

But that rejoicing was a bit short lived as the approval came with several “terms & conditions” which I had to agree to, they were:

• I am only allowed to buy 3-rooms or 4-rooms flats
• I am only allowed to buy resale and not BTO
• I am not allowed to use HDB loan or get grants
• The approval is only valid for 6 months.

The most unfair point was that I couldn’t take HDB loan or grants. Taking a bank loan is harder and it means a lot more cash upfront – cash that any single parent will tell you is hard to come by. Not being eligible for grants also makes no sense. I am a Singaporean, and this is my first HDB purchase, so why would I not be eligible for the grants?

HDB says this is because they are giving me the special exception based on the Singles Scheme as they still can’t see my daughter and me as a family nucleus.

Finally, I would just like to highlight a very important point:

Such policies and the government not viewing unwed mothers and their children as a family nucleus not only make the life of the mother harder when we need the most support, but also impact the innocent child and their lives. The child deserves the same treatment and a secure home just like all the rest of the children out there. They are after all the children of our future.

Family comes in different shapes and forms and we need to start acknowledging it. Me being unwed doesn’t make me less of a mother or less of a Singaporean. And it doesn’t make my family LESS of a family nucleus

Against all these odds, I have since secured a place and is waiting for the keys to my own home in Jan. I am hoping me sharing my story today will help you see that change needs to happen in the system for other unwed parents and their children.