By Valerie Gan Garry, 2nd Vice-President, AWARE

Our “Your Stories” series are submissions shared with us via email or in one-on-one interviews, for the purposes of our research and campaigns. All names have been changed (unless the use of real names was explicitly permitted by the author), and we have sought permission to publish from the authors/interviewees themselves. The opinions expressed in these posts do not represent those of AWARE.

Being treated as an equal in my family empowers me as an individual and as a woman. I believe it also sets the right tone, and a standard for my young daughter.

I’d like to share an experience that happened more than a year ago, but lingers in my mind. A lady came knocking at our door one day to conduct a survey, gathering research data for our government. I obliged. It was detailed, 20 minutes at least, and finally came down to a few personal questions, including age, occupation, education, household income, etc. Here’s where it got interesting for me (and a bit frustrating for the surveyor):

Surveyor: “Who is the head of your household?”

Me: “No one.”

Her look was priceless. She was quite persistent in getting the answer she felt she needed.

Surveyor: “Oh. Then who is the one earning the income in the family? Your husband, yes?”

Me: “Yes, but that does not make him the head of our household. Everyone has a role in our household, and earning income is his role. We are all equal.”

Suffice to say, she was stunned. She just didn’t know how to react to my response. We left it at that. And off she went.

In hindsight, I could have given in. I could have made it easier for her. But then again, it was a survey conducted by our government, and I know what I believe. (She still gave us our $10 NTUC voucher for answering the survey.)

It didn’t end there, though. Her boss called me the next day to ask about the visit. I provided positive feedback. Then the boss told me that there was a question in the survey left unanswered. I told the boss, it was not unanswered, but the survey did not have an option for my answer. I suggested to the boss that rather than asking me to simply conform, or to change my answer to fit the survey structure, they themselves ought to update their own survey. We bid farewell.

What determines a “head of household”? Is there really such a thing?

My husband and I have a vision for our family. We want to provide the best environment for ourselves and our daughter, while being able to give back to our community. Yes, my husband is currently the income generator in our family. We decided it would be so based on the fact that he earned more than I did, and that we wanted one parent to be with our daughter through her most formative years.

Meanwhile, I manage our finances, run the day to day of our household, parent and manage our daughter, while also finding time for my own volunteerism. But my role that any lesser than my husband’s in our household? We are equal partners. And we are best friends. We share a common goal, supporting one another in an effort to ensure a happy and healthy environment for everyone around us.

I am blessed to have a partner who shares my values. Unfortunately, there are many others who are not recognised and or treated as equal in their own relationships.

We need to change. We can do better. Let’s celebrate International Women’s Day everyday!