Written by Varsha Sivaram, Projects Executive, AWARE

On Thursday, 21 April 2022, around 40 attendees tuned in to the virtual panel “Trolls in Your Backyard: Helping our children stay safe from cyberbullying”.

Moderated by AWARE Executive Director Corinna Lim, the panel featured speakers Dr. Anuradha Rao, founder of CyberCognizanz; Tan Joo Hymn, Project Director for AWARE’s Birds & Bees programme; Joanne Wong, Head of TOUCH Cyber Wellness; and parent Kevin Teo.

The focus on cyberbullying was a timely one: not only due to the steep increase in kids’ screen time during the COVID-19 pandemic, but also the relative lack of public attention given to the topic, as compared to other forms of online harms.

Anuradha opened the discussion with a definition of cyberbullying as bullying that takes place via digital devices and on digital platforms like social media. “As long as it is repetitive and personalised, and the intent is to harm, it’s cyberbullying,” she added.

Conversely, cyber wellness, according to the Ministry of Education (MOE) curriculum, encompasses ensuring one’s personal well-being and safety in digital spaces, maintaining a positive online presence and finding a balance between online and offline activities.

The panel covered tips for cultivating cyber wellness at home and how parents can set kids up to process and unpack the more troubling aspects of online culture.

Here are three key takeaways.

1. Establish a culture of communication about cyber safety

In one of her questions to the panel, Corinna asked about the speakers’ own approaches to helping their kids with cyber safety.

Anuradha said it is crucial to start the conversation on cyber wellness early in your children’s life, so that it becomes normalised later. “Make them realise that […] their value shouldn’t be attached to their social media presence, or their value shouldn’t be attached to the way people talk about them,” she said. She suggested that parents play games with their kids, or watch the same media as them, in order to provide useful guidance without being overbearing or preachy.

Kevin added that his approach was to “create the space and opportunity for dialogue” about bullying, particularly during mealtimes or rides to school. He shared that rather than broaching the topic in a more officious or “technical” manner—e.g. by straight-up asking “What do you know about cyberbullying?”—he attempts to approach it casually, e.g. by asking questions based on anecdotes and inviting reflection. For instance, if an incident of cyberbullying came up in conversation, he would ask, “Why do you think [the bully] behaved or acted in this way?”

Joanne stated that while it might be hard for parents to stay ahead of what kids are up to online at all times, they can still teach their kids about safety measures early—for example, recognising when to opt out and disengage from an online conversation.

“If you are not ready to see these comments, turn it off… Just distance yourself for a while,” she said, referring to the ability to turn off comments on social media platforms like TikTok.

2. Respect kids’ autonomy and privacy

Corinna also noted that a strategy some parents employ is closely monitoring their kids’ online activity. With that in mind, she posed a question to the panel: What’s the line between oversight and privacy?

Anuradha said the line varies from parent to parent and child to child. She added that more oversight may be acceptable when the child is younger—i.e. below 12 years old—but that once kids hit their teens, it’s about having conversations. On the personal front, Anuradha reflected that her daughter asks her for trust when it comes to digital activity, and that she is happy to give her that trust, once Anuradha has done her part as a parent by providing her with the right protocol and values.

However, she also pointed out that a more hands-off approach does not necessarily mean a lack of rules altogether. The ideal mix would be a combination of freedom and supervision.

3. Spot the red flags

Corinna asked the panel if there were any signs one can observe when it comes to identifying both perpetrators and victims of cyberbullying.

Joo Hymn suggested that bullies tend to have feelings of entitlement regarding other people’s good feelings—e.g. expecting to be praised—and that the first step to counter these feelings of entitlement in kids is to identify them: “teaching them to be empathetic, to be more aware of their feelings”.

She added that parents too should be more alert to the fact that their kids could be bullies, and that they should keep an eye on whether they’re exhibiting such feelings of entitlement.

As for identifying victims, Joanne said that kids usually approach friends first, rather than an adult, when they experience online harms. “They are afraid [that] their digital device privileges will be taken away,” she said, referring to parents who think that simply removing their kids’ access to social media will solve the problem of cyberbullying.

In order to manage those fears, Joanne said parents have to meet kids halfway, to understand these digital social environments, and remind them that cyberbullying isn’t the norm.

Joo Hymn added that she waits for her daughter to handle any situations of cyberbullying herself before stepping in, so as to afford the child her own privacy, time and space, and “signal that I trust [her]”. Instead of intervening with a heavy hand, Joo Hymn added, parents could ask their kids if they want help in the first place—or merely a listening ear.

During the audience Q&A, attendees asked about topics ranging from first-responder training for students, to the kinds of resources available for parents regarding cyberbullying.

Joanne said that while there is a cyber wellness curriculum in schools at the moment—which includes training on empathy, discouraging kids from shaming their peers who come to them after being cyberbullied—the peer-support aspect of the curriculum is not particularly extensive. Joo Hymn brought up another potential issue: the fact that some students might not trust their school counsellor or school to sensitively handle a bullying situation.

As for resources, Anuradha mentioned AWARE’s Birds & Bees curriculum as well as the services she provides with CyberCognizanz, including family consultations on cyber safety. Joanne also suggested that parents can reach out to their children’s schools, or seek out online resources like Touch Parenting.