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Year: 2023

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Rise Up Against Violence: AWARE Marks IDEVAW with Engaging Conversations and Workshops

On November 25th, AWARE held a full-day event at its centre to mark the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women (IDEVAW). The event was packed with thought-provoking discussions, personal testimonies, and practical workshops, leaving participants empowered and inspired to take action against violence.   

The event began with an opening statement by Lim Xiu Xuan, the Deputy Director of CARE. Her speech touched on the individual versus systemic lens taken when discussing gender-based violence. She also encouraged the audience to reflect on the various parts of our culture that perpetuated violence.

Women-led Panel Discussion Challenges Assumptions

The morning then continue with an informative panel discussion titled “In Plain Sight,” moderated by Laavanya Kathiravelu, an Assistant Professor at NTU and AWARE Board Member. Joining her were:

  • Cindy Ng-Tay, a social worker, and a contributor to the anthology Assault on the Body. She represented the church community, especially the children and youth ministry.
  • Shila Naidu, a psychotherapist, centre manager, and counsellor at Greenhouse Community Services.
  • Devika Panicker, a financial services consultant, actor and TEDxSpeaker. She is also a staunch advocate for sexual assault survivors.

The panel talked about the invisibility of sexual assault as well as the factors that keep it hidden in various settings, such as families, communities, and workplaces.

The panellists also challenged the common assumption that sexual violence is solely a heterosexual issue, highlighting the impact of inequality and power imbalances across all forms of violence. They discussed the crucial need for safe spaces, destigmatising sex and violence, and challenging harmful myths and narratives.

The panellists recognised that focus can at times be placed on protecting the peace rather than prioritising survivors’ safety. However, this approach can lead to victim blaming instead of being an ally and advocate for the survivor. On how to be a good ally, the panel agreed that “we need to sit and listen to [the survivor].”

“People tend to naturally try to make sense of things that they do not understand — we do not need to understand.”

Men Join the Movement: The Brotherhood’s Perspective

Following the panel discussion, Ben and Firdaus, representatives from The Brotherhood, a men’s support group by Thye Hua Kwan Family Services, which is focused on ending family violence, shared their perspectives and experiences. 

The Brotherhood engages men who have caused hurt as partners to be part of the solution to ending family violence and building a community to support the community.

They emphasised the vital role of men in breaking the cycle of violence and creating safe spaces for open dialogue and support.

Workshops

The afternoon saw two engaging workshops: one on empathetic listening and another on active bystander intervention. Participants actively engaged in discussions and role-playing scenarios, gaining valuable skills and knowledge to combat violence.

Chie Van Slobbe, a senior consultant and facilitator at Catalyse, led the first workshop, “How to Be an Active Bystander”. Chie shared with the participants how smart and sensitive bystander intervention can change a violent situation into a close call. 

Rayann Condy, an experienced trainer and facilitator who oversaw AWARE’s Aim for Zero initiative, led the second workshop as the day’s final event. The workshop talked about how empathy and listening are critical skills needed by first responders to sexual assault and used group discussions and role-play activities to help participants practice in a safe and accountable environment. 

Empowering Dialogue and Collaboration

Throughout the entire day, participants had the opportunity to learn about IDEVAW’s significance, engage in meaningful conversations, and gain diverse perspectives on combating violence. 

The event fostered a sense of community and collaboration, inspiring individuals and organisations to work together towards a violence-free future.

AWARE remains committed to continuing the conversation, taking concrete steps to address violence in our communities, and providing vital support services for survivors and advocates for systemic change. 

We encourage everyone to learn more about IDEVAW and join the movement to create a world free from violence.

This recap is based on notes taken during the event and may not capture all points discussed.

Press Release: Half of online sexual violence cases seen in 2022 are contact-based

Singapore, December 11, 2023 – Half of the technology-facilitated sexual violence (TFSV) cases seen by AWARE’s Sexual Assault Care Centre (SACC), or 49%, in 2022 involved contact-based sexual violence. Separately, image-based sexual abuse (IBSA) featured in over three in 10 new TFSV cases seen by the SACC, a decline from 49% in 2021.

TFSV is unwanted sexual behaviour carried out via digital technology, such as digital cameras, social media and messaging platforms, and dating and ride-hailing apps. Even though all TFSV cases involve technology, the abuse can occur in person too. Contact-based sexual abuse in TFSV cases refers to cases where one uses technology to make unwanted sexual contact. The initial contact can come from either party.

In total, SACC received 179 TFSV cases in 2022, down from 227 cases in 2021 and 205 in 2020, corresponding with the 20% decrease in the total number of new sexual violence cases seen by the centre. 

Nevertheless, the proportion of new cases involving TFSV remained consistent with previous years, at 26%.

“Higher awareness of TFSV has led to more victim-survivors seeking avenues of support,” noted Ms. Sugidha Nithiananthan, Director of Advocacy, Research, and Communications at AWARE. 

“Since the effects of TFSV on survivors are similar to those of offline abuse, we welcome the stronger support system that social media platforms, the government, and other organisations are establishing.”

The survivors who sought support from SACC spanned across a wide age range. When SACC had access to the victims’ ages, cases involving those between the ages of 18 and 24 accounted for 37.3% of all reported cases in 2022, while those involving those between the ages of 25 and 34 accounted for another 37.3%; those between 35 and 44 accounted for 13.4%, those under 18 accounted for 8%, and those over 45 accounted for 4%.

Almost eight in 10 perpetrators in the 179 cases were known to victims, with 29% of survivors reporting that their perpetrator was an acquaintance, which included classmates, online friends, and neighbours, among others.

Another 27% reported they experienced TFSV from an intimate or ex-intimate partner, with workplace acquaintances and dating app contacts making the third most common groups of perpetrators at 17% each. 

TFSV occurred most commonly on messaging platforms such as Telegram and WhatsApp, with 28% of all cases involving such channels. 

The misuse of encrypted platforms has been a consistent trend over the past few years, with various explicit channels being exposed frequently. 

Ms. Nithiananthan also warns of the growing complexity of TFSV cases: “With increasingly sophisticated encrypted platforms and generative artificial intelligence, victims may not only find themselves unknowingly featured in explicit content, but face difficulty in securing evidence and reporting such advanced forms of online harms.”

AWARE notes that concrete steps have been taken to combat these malicious acts. The enactment of the Online Safety (Miscellaneous Amendments) Act in Parliament in February 2023 marked a pivotal moment, introducing provisions to hold online communication service providers accountable for non-compliance with the relevant Code of Practice. 

Meanwhile, earlier this year, AWARE was the first NGO in Singapore to partner with Bumble on its newly launched anti-abuse tipline. 

Despite these milestones, Ms. Nithiananthan remarks that there is still more to be done: “We provided critical recommendations in our 2022 submission to the Public Consultation on Enhancing Online Safety for Users in Singapore, based on our experience supporting victims of TFSV as well as insights from international online safety legislation.”

AWARE also emphasised the importance of introducing additional safeguards for young users, encompassing strict enforcement of minimum age requirements on social media platforms and pornographic websites, mandatory onboarding processes, and the establishment of a dedicated resource centre.

“Our advocacy continues to include the call for the adoption of these recommendations as well as the addition of more safeguards to ensure users are adequately protected in online spaces,” Ms. Nithiananthan concluded. 

Annex I: Definitions

Tech-facilitated sexual violence may include sexual harassment, rape, assault, stalking, public humiliation, or intimidation. TFSV behaviours include explicit sexual calls and texts, communications that force people to have sex, and image-based sexual abuse.

Contact-based sexual abuse can include explicit, coercive, and sexually harassing messages or comments on social media, as well as online interactions that don’t involve images and/or videos that lead to sexual violence in real life.

Image-based sexual abuse is an umbrella term for various behaviours involving sexual, nude, or intimate images or videos of another person. AWARE identifies five types:

  • The non-consensual creation or obtainment of sexual images: including sexual voyeurism acts such as upskirting, hacking into a victim’s device to retrieve such images, and/or the creation of such images via deepfake technology
  • The non-consensual distribution of sexual images: sometimes known colloquially as “revenge porn,” is whereby images shared willingly by a partner or ex-partner are then disseminated to others without the subject’s consent
  • The non-consensual viewing of sexual images: whereby a victim is made to view sexual content, such as pornography or dick pics, unwillingly, e.g. over message or email
  • Sextortion: whereby sexual images of a victim, obtained with or without consent, are used as leverage to threaten or blackmail that victim in order to solicit further images and/or sexual practices, money, goods or favours
  • Others including the capturing of publicly available, non-sexual images which are then non-consensually distributed in a sexualised context, e.g. with sexual comments and/or on a platform known for sexual content, such as the “SG Nasi Lemak” genre of Telegram group

Annex II: Selected Technology-Facilitated Sexual Violence Cases from 2022

Case A: The client discovered that deepfake content featuring her face had been used in explicit material. This content was posted online and widely circulated, causing her much grief. 

Case B: The client found her private, intimate photos uploaded to a group chat and a website. When she tried to locate the source, she realised that explicit videos of her were being sold by an unknown entity. Uncertain about the perpetrator’s identity, she hesitated to involve law enforcement as she felt it would be hard to investigate.

Case C: A concerned parent reported that their daughter, who was a minor, had experienced sexual harassment on social media. Peers had set up an account to make explicit remarks about her, which triggered a school investigation after the parent’s notification.

Case D: The client realised he had been ‘catfished’ when he met a dating app contact in person. The perpetrator appeared much older and different from the profile the client had been talking to. During the date, the perpetrator sexually harassed him and forced him to share graphic images of himself. When the client declined future meet-ups, the perpetrator threatened to post the images online. 

These cases underscore the urgent need for comprehensive strategies to combat TFSV and provide support for victims. To learn more about AWARE’s efforts or to access resources for combating tech-facilitated sexual violence, please visit aware.org.sg.

(25th Nov 2023) Rise up against domestic violence with AWARE

To commemorate the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and Girls and the 16 Days of Activism against Gender-Based Violence, we’re organising a full day of expert-led panels, sharing sessions and workshops.

Join us at the AWARE Centre on Saturday, 25 November to gain exclusive insights as we collectively work towards tackling the root of domestic violence. Check out the full programme below and register here

11:00 to 11:15 | Opening address by Lim Xiu Xuan, Deputy Director, CARE 

Xiu Xuan is the Deputy Director of AWARE’s Sexual Assault Care Centre and Women’s Care Centre. She has supported survivors of sexual violence through casework and advocacy. Additionally, Xiu Xuan has conducted workshops for social sector professionals and the broader community, focusing on trauma-informed responses to disclosures of sexual assault.

11:15 to 12:15 | In Plain Sight, a Panel Discussion

Join us for a compelling panel discussion that delves into the shadows, where sexual assault often hides. Laavanya Kathiravelu, Associate Professor at Nanyang Technological University and AWARE board member, will moderate a discussion with a diverse panel of experts.

Together, these experts will peel back the various layers of secrecy surrounding sexual assault. This discussion aims to expose the complexities that keep sexual assault hidden, from the complexities within families, communities, and workplaces to the unknown territory of under-reported incidents in places like religious institutions and the hidden world of chemsex among some queer youths.

We believe that by putting a light on these hidden circumstances and the causes that cloak them, attendees will be able to recognise, support, and refer victims to the treatment they require. Don’t miss out on this thought-provoking discussion as we work to uncover the hidden and develop a more supportive, informed community.

Panellists:

  • Cindy Ng-Tay

Cindy is a social worker by training with extensive experience working with low-income families and persons experiencing violence and abuse. Over the years, she has developed and executed programmes that aim to address poverty, violence, and abuse in families and the community.

Cindy is passionate about issues relating to early childhood trauma, poverty, income inequality, and social mobility. She is an active advocate for disadvantaged communities in Singapore, where she contributes commentaries to local publications. She is also passionate about good social work practice and has developed a standards framework to guide programmes and services and a competency framework to guide the development of Social Workers and Social Service Practitioners.

  • Shila Naidu

Shila is a Certified Clinical Trauma Specialist with an interest in working with individuals who are vulnerable and marginalised, such as those from the LGBTQ+ community, ethnic minorities, and people living with HIV. In addition to her work in private practice, Shila is also centre-manager at The Greenhouse, an inclusive, non-profit, trauma recovery centre for individuals struggling with substance use.

  • Devika Panicker

Devika, actor and volunteer spokesperson with AWARE’s Sexual Assault Care Centre, strives to dismantle the stigma surrounding survivors of sexual violence by sharing her personal experiences with sexual violence and insights on the lasting impact it has on victims, their families and society as a whole.

12:30 to 13:10 | Sharing Session: The Brotherhood

Meet representatives from Brotherhood, a groupwork programme by Thye Hwa Kwan Family Services. The programme engages men who have caused hurt as partners to be part of the solution to ending family violence and building a community to support the community.

In this short session, we will meet Principal Social Worker Ben Ang and a brother from the programme. The objective of this session is to inspire hope that people can change and to encourage including people who have caused harm as part of intervention strategies.

We hope you will join us to help create community collaborations that break the cycle of intergenerational family violence.

13:30 to 15:00 | Workshop: How to be an Active Bystander

Smart and sensitive bystander intervention can change a violent situation into a close call. But few of us know how to intervene effectively when someone around us is being harassed. In this workshop by Catalyse, you will gain a better understanding of harassment and the ability to evaluate live situations as they develop. You will also learn the five Ds of active bystanding: Delegate, Document, Dialogue, Distract and Direct.

Trainer

Chie Van Slobbe, Senior Consultant and Facilitator at Catalyse, is a highly experienced learning professional with a demonstrated history of delivering high impact and relevant learning solutions. With a strong background in development and delivery, Chie has honed her expertise in train-the- trainer programmes through her work as a master trainer for HSBC’s leadership programmes across 21 markets in the Asia Pacific region. She had a successful career in sales before transitioning into a learning and development role. Her work in diversity and inclusion, including the rollout of the Inclusive Leadership programme at Standard Chartered Bank, led her to volunteer at AWARE after moving to Singapore with her family.

Chie is a certified IECL Level 2 organisational coach, an accredited trainer for Everything DiSC, Facet 5, and a Human Centred Design Practitioner. She volunteers as a coach with Uplifters, supporting foreign domestic workers in Hong Kong and Singapore.

15:15 to 16:45 | Workshop: The Empathetic Listener’s Toolbox

An effective approach must provide safety, empathise, and listen. Which, while simple in theory, is not necessarily so simple in practise!

This session will build upon the skills you learned in SAFRT around empathy and listening. We will delve deeper into what these two important abilities need for us as responders and have the opportunity to practice in a safe and accountable environment.

Trainer

Rayann Condy is an experienced trainer and facilitator who coordinated the Aim for Zero initiative by AWARE. She is a facilitator for Sexual Assault First Responder Training (SAFRT). She was also a helpliner and legal clinic befriender. Rayann is also a certified intimacy coordinator and creates theatre and television sets that are safe and consent-informed.

REGISTER HERE

A hysterical evening with AWARE at the 11th Annual Ball

What’s scarier than sexism? That was the question posed to the guests at AWARE’s 11th annual fundraising Ball on 28 October 2023.

This year’s theme, ‘Hysteria!’ was a way take on outdated beliefs; did you know the term ‘hysteria’ was derived from the Greek word for uterus, cementing the association between women and emotional excess?

The evening kicked off with an opening address by Ong Soh Chin, president of AWARE’s Board, who encouraged guests to take the opportunity to reclaim female monster tropes and imagine a new, feminist world of thrillers with some theatrical razzle-dazzle!

Not only did AWARE smash century-old stereotypes, but at more than $771,000, the Ball also managed to raise the highest amount ever. Thanks to the lucky dip tickets sold, table sales, donations, wine sales and auctions—both silent and live—, along with Tote Board’s matching of $100,000, the funds raised will help AWARE continue their services to women in need of help, to provide sex education to vulnerable youths, and support programmes to promote positive masculinity.

Hosts for the evening were Pam Oei, dressed as a uterus, and Siti K, who came as a goth-dess, together with AWARE Executive Director, Corinna Lim

Guests also enjoyed Chestnuts, who have been doing the AWARE Alamaks Awards since 2011. They’re Singapore’s very first and longest-running parody show since 1996, and their spoofs always come with a witty set of absurdism.


Chestnuts during their parody performance

For this year’s Alamak Awards—the annual search for the most annoying, you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me instances of sexism in Singapore—Chestnuts got the room in stitches with their commentary on the three “winners”: presidential candidate Tan Kin Lian (need we say more?), K. Kawshigan, a CEO who sued for $3m in damages for “sustained trauma” after he was romantically rejected, and Don Weng, a Navy regular who was convicted for non-consensually posting explicit content of women on a Telegram group.

Nominees for best dressed

Of course, no AWARE Ball is complete without a Best Dressed competition. This year’s theme saw guests dressed in historical and mythological costumes. The top three costumes included women claiming their seats at the table, the Goddess Kali, and a broken-through glass ceiling.

A special mention also went out to an abominable plastic snowman (above), a costume that took five weeks to make by hand from recyclable materials.

Another Ball tradition, the auctions, were once more presided over by Shaun McEwan, who enthused the attendees (and got them bidding!) for incredible goods and experiences, ranging from a LIMPEH print by local artist SKL0 to a vintage Glendronach from 1972. The night also saw 836 lucky dip tickets sold, with the three luckiest winners going home with a Pangdemonium season ticket, a bottle of Limited Edition Kyoto Dry Gin from KI NO BI, and a 3D2N stay to Seminyak, Bali at Montigo Resorts!

And no Ball is complete without a little dance party, as guests danced the night away with DJ Aldrin behind the table.


View the rest of the photos here, and it’s not too late to make a donation!

The Ball would not have been possible without the generous support of AWARE’s corporate sponsors Montigo Resorts, Kah Motor, and Honda, and official partners Ppurpose, Senses AVL, Cornerstone Wines, and World Scientific.

Photography by Wesley Loh/Memphis West Pictures and Kathleen Cheong

Announcement: Year-end centre closure dates

The Women’s Care Centre (WCC) and Sexual Assault Care Centre (SACC) will be closed for one day on 16 November 2023 (Thursday), and provide limited services during the year-end.

Details of the limited services are as follows:

WCC and SACC:

  • 11 Dec 2023 – 5 Jan 2024: Helpline services are available from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.; no new referrals are accepted during this time
  • 22 Dec 2023 – 1 Jan 2024: Closure
  • 9 Jan 2024: Closure

Workplace Harassment and Discriminatory Advisory:

  • 4 Dec 2023 – 8 Dec 2023: Closure
  • 22 Dec 2023 – 1 Jan 2024: Closure

Normal services for WCC and SACC will fully resume on Monday, 8 January 2024.

If you have experienced sexual assault within the last 72 hours, you may refer to this page for suggested actions.

If you require support, you may reach out to these alternatives:

  • National Anti-Violence Helpline (24-hour, for reporting of domestic and sexual violence): 1800 777 0000
  • Samaritans of Singapore (24-hour, for coping with self-harm or suicidal ideation):
  • IMH Helpline (24-hour, for mental health crisis): 6389 2222
  • ComCare Helpline (7am-12am, to locate your nearest Family Service Centre): 1800 222 0000
  • Care Corner Helpline (10am-10pm, for emotional support for Mandarin speakers): 1800 3535 800
  • Community Justice Centre (Mon-Fri, 10am-12.30pm, 1.30pm-4pm, 20 minutes free legal information, walk ins only, first-come-first-serve basis)
  • Law Society Pro Bono Legal Clinic Services (Free legal information, appointments needed)
  • Police 999, Medical assistance 995 (If you or someone you know is in danger or has an emergency)

We seek your kind understanding and patience. Thank you.

Response to Telegram channels offering explicit videos

(TW: Child sexual abuse, sexual violence)

While profoundly disappointing, the re-emergence of new Telegram groups sharing non-consensually obtained explicit images of women and girls is sadly not shocking. 

We have seen groups similar to SG Nasi Lemak surface over the years, with many channels being created on encrypted messaging platforms, which are currently not covered by the Online Safety (Miscellaneous Amendments) Act. 

These groups continue to adapt to and evade legal restrictions by moving channels or platforms, leaving many victim-survivors without recourse, with the illicit content remaining digitally preserved.

The anonymity provided by various digital platforms will continue to allow perpetrators to establish perverse social networks in which women’s privacy and dignity are violated, often without their knowledge. In this case, perpetrators further profit off the non-consensual commodification and circulation, with members being charged a “joining fee” before being allowed to access the channels. 

The other troubling aspects here are the implication of minors in such explicit content and the indication that these images were obtained via spy cameras installed in public places. The alleged promise of “new content” by group administrators could hint at the continued existence of such spy cams or the installation of new ones. The unknown pervasiveness of these devices is a worrying matter that needs to be looked into. 

We hope the scope of the Act can be expanded to include such messaging apps to strengthen protection from online harms in all user-to-user interactions by placing a duty on them to address the reports they receive. 

Doing so would also ensure that apps are required to make transparent their report-handling processes and mechanisms. Additionally, we hope the Act will mandate a rapid investigation, especially when sexual violence is involved, to deactivate such groups more efficiently and potentially limit content sharing.

Dads are equal parents, not assistants to mums

This op-ed, penned by AWARE Executive Director Corinna Lim, was originally published in The Straits Times on 10 October 2023. 

Konstantin exemplifies what equal parenting commitment looks like.

When he and his wife had their first child 10 years ago, he was entitled to only three or four days of paternity leave, so he approached his company for four months of leave. The couple saw the first six months of their child’s life as an intensive caregiving period.

While he was prepared to take no-pay leave, the company agreed to give him four months of paid leave with a requirement to spend two hours each morning with his team, ensuring that work was on track. Konstantin readily agreed to this compromise.

His wife took two months of maternity leave, and when she returned to work, he spent four months at home looking after their daughter and doing two hours of work every morning.

As a result, Konstantin shares a strong bond with his daughter, and also with his second child. He believes that fathers should remain involved in raising their children beyond birth, emphasising that both parents share equal responsibility for the physical and psychological well-being of their children.

“Parents need to adopt this sense of responsibility for their children. It will feel like your responsibility only when you’ve had time to grow into the role of a parent,” he told me.

Konstantin’s children are now 10 and eight. He and his wife are in upper management roles. Both value being active parents, and have different parts of parenting they prefer to handle. He hates to shop for clothes, for example, so she takes care of that, as well as the children’s music classes and sporting activities. He handles all the school-related things like parent-teacher conferences and school associations, and both are confident about managing all aspects of looking after the kids. When one has to travel for work, the other stays home to look after the children.

Equal parenting can start any time

Philip (not his real name) is a stay-home father to a five-year-old son and a three-year-old daughter.

When his kids were born, he took his full entitlement of two weeks of paid paternity leave. But this short duration left him feeling like his wife’s “helpmate”. Instead of being a primary caregiver of the baby, he was merely an extra pair of hands to assist his wife and the confinement nanny.

Looking back, he views being around after the confinement nanny leaves as critical, and thinks that a second month of paternity leave is required for parents to adjust to parenthood.

A year ago, he left his job to be a stay-home dad when his kids were two and four years old. This was not easy as they kept looking for their mother whenever a challenge emerged. But with his wife’s encouragement, he developed the necessary knowledge and skills to take over caring for their children.

Now, he buys the groceries, manages the household and handles day-to-day school activities like homework and enrichment classes, while his wife plans the meals, organises holiday activities and keeps in touch with education-related matters.

He eagerly anticipates mastering the next domain – cooking. Philip’s story illustrates that while starting early has benefits, equal parenting can be embraced at any stage.

Not there yet

In my S R Nathan lecture series in 2021, I passionately argued that active fatherhood would be a transformative force for society. I envisioned a world where fathers were not mere bystanders but active co-parents from day one, sharing the joys and challenges of raising their children.

At that time, I pointed out the glaring disparity between maternity leave, which stood at a generous four months, and the paltry two weeks of paternity leave, perpetuating the notion that caregiving was primarily a mother’s responsibility.

Fast-forward to now, and the Government has recently amended the law to double paternity leave from two weeks to four weeks. It is undoubtedly progress, but true equality requires more.

Research from the Nordic countries has demonstrated that equal parenting policies foster egalitarian gender norms within families. These set the stage for a lifetime of shared responsibilities and mutual respect.

The examples of Konstantin and Philip show that there is no set formula for what active co-parenting looks like. It can look different for each couple as they divide the duties and responsibilities in the way that works best for them. The key is to give them the opportunity to take this on as a joint responsibility and find the balance that is right for them. That requires time and needs to begin when the child is born.

The desire for work-life balance is palpable among Singaporeans, particularly millennials. As the latest Straits Times survey shows, many prioritise family over career, signalling a societal shift in values.

Mindsets about gender roles and caregiving are changing. A 2023 survey by Indeed shows that almost one in two (47 per cent) workers in Singapore supports equal parental leave.

There is a growing and encouraging trend towards equal co-parenting, with many men viewing their roles quite differently, compared with their fathers. They understand that being a father means more than being a breadwinner – it means being an actively engaged co-parent, who feels equally responsible for the child’s upbringing.

The Singapore Government has approached paternity leave extensions cautiously, aligning them with societal readiness, especially that of employers. The current increase is commendable, but we must think ahead. Policymakers should announce plans for further extensions that lead ultimately to equal maternity and paternity leave. We would like to see this happen ideally within the next five years.

Equal partners

Konstantin’s and Philip’s stories show that men can do everything that women can do in childcare – perhaps except direct breastfeeding.

Both felt that parenting is not about gender but about learning caregiving skills and assuming responsibility for the child. Men are fully capable of nurturing, soothing and caring for their children. It is a matter of spending the time needed so that fathers can actively participate in their children’s upbringing and grow into their role as a parent, just like mothers do.

Caring for an infant is not easy, and there is a lot of sleep deprivation involved in the early months, but what these men discovered was that fatherhood has enriched their lives and helped them form strong bonds with their children.

There is scientific research to explain this bonding. Oxytocin, a hormone associated with greater engagement with the child, was found to increase in fathers just as much as in mothers in the transition to fatherhood and during the first six months of fatherhood. So this bonding is not exclusive to mothers.

Supportive workplace policies and culture

Derick, the father of a two-year-old son and a newborn, underwent a remarkable transformation. His first child’s birth coincided with a fortunate opportunity – his workplace offered him its extended 20 weeks of paid paternity leave.

Yet Derick hesitated, concerned about the impact on his career. Fortunately, he encountered “fatherhood champions” within his company who set the example by taking their full paternity leave. They made it feel safe for him to do the same.

Today, Derick says his decision to embrace fatherhood proved the best choice he has ever made. Now, he is on paternity leave again for his second child.

More companies globally are going beyond legally mandated maternity and paternity leave requirements in moving towards true gender equality. For example, Deutsche Bank, Goldman Sachs and, recently, Standard Chartered Bank offer equal maternity and paternity or parental leave to staff.

A company culture that promotes paternity leave can make a significant difference in encouraging fathers to take an active role in parenting, as Derick’s example shows. The civil service sets an exemplary precedent, with an impressive 84 per cent of fathers taking paternity leave compared with the general population’s average of 40 per cent between 2018 and 2020, according to a 2023 government response to a parliamentary question on paternity leave usage.

Shifting towards equal paternity and maternity leave and equal parenting also makes economic sense. As more women than men graduate from universities and have the potential to earn higher salaries, it is crucial to ensure that both partners have the opportunity to balance family and work. This benefits not only families but also the nation’s workforce and economy.

Men and women are ready for more equal co-parenting, and policymakers should be proactive in supporting their desires. These aspirations align with the country’s priority of higher fertility rates and a thriving workforce.

With Singapore’s fertility rate hitting an all-time low of 1.04 in 2022, we should not wait too long to equalise paternity leave.

Response to MDW advertisements

“Instead of thinking of them as humans, we think of them as commodities to be traded. Even though advertisements’ choice of words doesn’t fully determine our attitudes, it’s a good indicator of how people actually view and treat helpers.”

As numerous academics in the article correctly point out, employment agencies’ disparaging language simply reflects how society views migrant domestic workers (MDWs). Our past research has shown how MDWs often face challenging working conditions, including demanding workloads and a lack of proper rest. Such demeaning language not only entrenches the existing view that MDWs are less than typical employees, but also appears to validate the exploitation they undergo.

While dehumanising advertisements can be combatted with tighter Ministry of Manpower regulations, the root of the issue still remains: MDWs must be treated as employees who should be allowed similar rights, protection, and dignity as any other employee. 

This would require a policy shift: MDWs should be included in the Employment Act and be afforded the same rights and benefits as other workers, including the same number of public holidays and maximum weekly working hours. Pregnant and postnatal MDWs should be accorded bodily autonomy and should not face criminal charges as a result of being pregnant or giving birth in Singapore. 

However, a societal mindset shift needs to accompany these systemic changes. Perhaps we should question the inherent value we as a society place on the care work provided by MDWs and what that implies about us.

Sally’s story: Acknowledging and advocating for a daughter’s traumatic experience

Our “Your Stories” series are submissions shared with us via email or in one-on-one interviews, for the purposes of our research and campaigns. All names have been changed (unless the use of real names was explicitly permitted by the author), and we have sought permission to publish from the authors/interviewees themselves. The opinions expressed in these posts do not represent those of AWARE.

Sally*: For over a decade, my family—my husband, myself and our three daughters—lived in Singapore. Our daughters, currently in their early teens, spent their early years at local pre-schools before attending an international school. We have all grown to see Singapore as home. 

So it came as a shock when our eldest daughter, Zoey*, was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after an assessment with a clinical psychologist. 

We initially reached out to the psychologist because Zoey had been facing learning difficulties in school. But during the assessment, she told the psychologist about her teacher who, a few years back, had touched her inappropriately over her uniform almost every day of the school year.

A few months before the diagnosis, two teachers in leadership positions visited us at home to say inappropriate behaviour by a teacher had been witnessed and reported, and would be dealt with. I trusted the school and believed they would take appropriate action.  At this stage, Zoey was no longer being taught by the teacher in question. However, she had mentioned to me once about how the teacher had poked her between the breasts and said “good job”, which Zoey said she didn’t like. I told her that such behaviour was not okay and to let me know if it happened again.  

During the year he taught Zoey, I noticed changes in her behaviour. She was often teary and became withdrawn. I knew something was up but could not work it out. Till today, I have to live with the fact that I did not do more and did not take action when Zoey first told me about the teacher. 

Once Zoey was diagnosed, we immediately took her out of the school. More accounts began to surface against the perpetrator: Zoey knew of two other girls who had been harassed by him while I heard other accounts of his concerning behaviour from other parents. Zoey desperately wanted to take the other children out of the school, but we felt it shouldn’t impact them more and it was still during the pandemic. 

I got in touch with the parents of the girls who had also been sexually harassed and subsequently informed the school authorities about the various cases. The school authorities said the touching was “celebratory” and one of the head teachers said Zoey would have to “would just have to get over it”. 

This was extremely distressing to hear. 

We wanted our daughter to know that she was right for speaking up, and wanted the school to take concrete action. We decided to ask the school to conduct a thorough investigation. They agreed to our request, only to return a few months later to say they found no evidence of inappropriate touching. 

During the investigation process, neither my husband nor I was interviewed. We denied any interviews with Zoey since she was still suffering from her PTSD and the school rejected interviewing the psychologist, considering it “hearsay”. 

When we sought further legal action against the school, we were faced with threatening and scathing responses as well as an NDA order, which we refused to resign. The school told me they had world-class safeguarding. 

During this period, a news report came out that the teacher in question was charged with physical assault and ordered to attend court. This incident had happened nearly three years prior, the same month he started teaching Zoey.  He had been teaching children for three years whilst under this charge. We then found out that the school had finally put him on a leave of absence due to the ongoing case. 

This news gave Zoey the courage she needed to lodge a police report against the teacher. After the investigation, the police issued a warning for outrage of modesty and recommended that he be deported due to his actions. 

Despite this, the school still insists on not acknowledging the official findings. Throughout this process, we’ve been constantly let down by the school authorities, who have made my daughter feel unsafe in their care. 

The entire incident has left Zoey with much trauma. She loved school before this incident. She has only now managed to return to mainstream school after months of studying online. It has taken enormous effort from the new school and Zoey to help her feel safe again.  Our family has relocated since the investigation concluded. Zoey continues her weekly psychologist appointments. It is very hard to explain to her younger sisters what has happened.

The world is still a scary place for Zoey: she was in a constant state of hypervigilance due to her abuse, which has affected both her mental and physical health. She has experienced loneliness and the challenge of moving countries and schools. To the teacher who told me she just needed to “get over it”: I have learnt you never get over it, you hopefully just get better at dealing with it.

While the perpetrator has received some form of punishment, we’d like the school to take accountability for all the agony they’ve put Zoey and our family through. Ultimately, all we’d like as parents is for our daughter’s experience to be acknowledged by the school. 

This story is not just about Zoey and my family—many others have experienced verbal, physical and sexual harassment from the perpetrator. 

Educational institutions should be safe spaces for children. They should not betray the trust that parents have put in them. We hope other schools will learn from this, and understand that when the authorities choose to stay silent, they are complicit in the violence that took place. The school had a chance to lead by example and help stop the trauma and violence. However, they have chosen to enable and be part of the disease, not the cure. 

I would like to extend our gratitude to our friends, family, the Singapore Police Force and AWARE for helping us navigate through this incredible journey.

We hope by sharing this story we can help other survivors as it can be a lonely place, but also put pressure on institutions to continually strive to improve and understand the nature of abuse and perpetrators. Arrogance has no place in education. 

If you are experiencing any form of distress and need a listening ear, call AWARE’s Women’s Helpline at 1800 777 5555 (Mon–Fri, 10am–6pm).