Our “Your Stories” series are submissions shared with us via email or in one-on-one interviews, for the purposes of our research and campaigns. All names have been changed (unless the use of real names was explicitly permitted by the author), and we have sought permission to publish from the authors/interviewees themselves. The opinions expressed in these posts do not represent those of AWARE.

Sally*: For over a decade, my family—my husband, myself and our three daughters—lived in Singapore. Our daughters, currently in their early teens, spent their early years at local pre-schools before attending an international school. We have all grown to see Singapore as home. 

So it came as a shock when our eldest daughter, Zoey*, was diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after an assessment with a clinical psychologist. 

We initially reached out to the psychologist because Zoey had been facing learning difficulties in school. But during the assessment, she told the psychologist about her teacher who, a few years back, had touched her inappropriately over her uniform almost every day of the school year.

A few months before the diagnosis, two teachers in leadership positions visited us at home to say inappropriate behaviour by a teacher had been witnessed and reported, and would be dealt with. I trusted the school and believed they would take appropriate action.  At this stage, Zoey was no longer being taught by the teacher in question. However, she had mentioned to me once about how the teacher had poked her between the breasts and said “good job”, which Zoey said she didn’t like. I told her that such behaviour was not okay and to let me know if it happened again.  

During the year he taught Zoey, I noticed changes in her behaviour. She was often teary and became withdrawn. I knew something was up but could not work it out. Till today, I have to live with the fact that I did not do more and did not take action when Zoey first told me about the teacher. 

Once Zoey was diagnosed, we immediately took her out of the school. More accounts began to surface against the perpetrator: Zoey knew of two other girls who had been harassed by him while I heard other accounts of his concerning behaviour from other parents. Zoey desperately wanted to take the other children out of the school, but we felt it shouldn’t impact them more and it was still during the pandemic. 

I got in touch with the parents of the girls who had also been sexually harassed and subsequently informed the school authorities about the various cases. The school authorities said the touching was “celebratory” and one of the head teachers said Zoey would have to “would just have to get over it”. 

This was extremely distressing to hear. 

We wanted our daughter to know that she was right for speaking up, and wanted the school to take concrete action. We decided to ask the school to conduct a thorough investigation. They agreed to our request, only to return a few months later to say they found no evidence of inappropriate touching. 

During the investigation process, neither my husband nor I was interviewed. We denied any interviews with Zoey since she was still suffering from her PTSD and the school rejected interviewing the psychologist, considering it “hearsay”. 

When we sought further legal action against the school, we were faced with threatening and scathing responses as well as an NDA order, which we refused to resign. The school told me they had world-class safeguarding. 

During this period, a news report came out that the teacher in question was charged with physical assault and ordered to attend court. This incident had happened nearly three years prior, the same month he started teaching Zoey.  He had been teaching children for three years whilst under this charge. We then found out that the school had finally put him on a leave of absence due to the ongoing case. 

This news gave Zoey the courage she needed to lodge a police report against the teacher. After the investigation, the police issued a warning for outrage of modesty and recommended that he be deported due to his actions. 

Despite this, the school still insists on not acknowledging the official findings. Throughout this process, we’ve been constantly let down by the school authorities, who have made my daughter feel unsafe in their care. 

The entire incident has left Zoey with much trauma. She loved school before this incident. She has only now managed to return to mainstream school after months of studying online. It has taken enormous effort from the new school and Zoey to help her feel safe again.  Our family has relocated since the investigation concluded. Zoey continues her weekly psychologist appointments. It is very hard to explain to her younger sisters what has happened.

The world is still a scary place for Zoey: she was in a constant state of hypervigilance due to her abuse, which has affected both her mental and physical health. She has experienced loneliness and the challenge of moving countries and schools. To the teacher who told me she just needed to “get over it”: I have learnt you never get over it, you hopefully just get better at dealing with it.

While the perpetrator has received some form of punishment, we’d like the school to take accountability for all the agony they’ve put Zoey and our family through. Ultimately, all we’d like as parents is for our daughter’s experience to be acknowledged by the school. 

This story is not just about Zoey and my family—many others have experienced verbal, physical and sexual harassment from the perpetrator. 

Educational institutions should be safe spaces for children. They should not betray the trust that parents have put in them. We hope other schools will learn from this, and understand that when the authorities choose to stay silent, they are complicit in the violence that took place. The school had a chance to lead by example and help stop the trauma and violence. However, they have chosen to enable and be part of the disease, not the cure. 

I would like to extend our gratitude to our friends, family, the Singapore Police Force and AWARE for helping us navigate through this incredible journey.

We hope by sharing this story we can help other survivors as it can be a lonely place, but also put pressure on institutions to continually strive to improve and understand the nature of abuse and perpetrators. Arrogance has no place in education. 

If you are experiencing any form of distress and need a listening ear, call AWARE’s Women’s Helpline at 1800 777 5555 (Mon–Fri, 10am–6pm).