Your stories

Quen’s story

Lisa’s story: I left corporate life and decided to take a sabbatical to attend to matters at home. While my mother was getting better physically (on good days she could move about on her own), she required a lot of emotional support. I am currently using my savings to pay for my insurance policies and other expenses as I am not earning an income. So what is the actual cost being borne by the caregivers? 

Ria’s story: “It didn’t occur to me that feeding somebody breakfast would require an entire hour. That’s just for the act of feeding, not counting the time for preparing the food, cleaning up the food, and cleaning up the person who got fed. ..This work would require my full attention, not just for the for the mechanics of the job but also the constant emotional work. This workload is not brainless at all, and it was more “all-consuming” than I imagined.”

Adam’s story: “I feel like my friends were having their time of their lives and building their own careers while I’m at home feeling like I’m in a state of inertia. I felt very affected when a classmate of mine said that my job is easy because it wasn’t a full-time job like them and I could focus on my studies. They don’t know that caregiving is a 24-hour job.”

Amy’s story: “Because C lived with Mum and because she was a nurse, the task of caregiving fell mostly on her until the last months when we had two maids to help her. That, however, did not lift the emotional burden on her.”

Xin Hui’s story: “I have always felt that the ideal co-parenting model would be an equal 50:50 split. Reality, however, is far from my dream.”

Patricia’s story: “I acknowledge that family caregiving is a tough job. All the more we need to help our maids who support us in making this job easier.”

Steph’s story: “I had approached HDB to seek to rental housing from them. But my application was denied as they said that they did not recognise my daughter and myself as a family nucleus, and as a single I would need apply with another adult. I had also seen an MP at that time, who point blank told me that he wasn’t able to help because I had to understand that “we don’t support this type of situation.” That was the second time an MP had said that to me directly.”

Rosa’s story: On the day of her divorce in 1998, Rosa was kicked out of the flat and spent the night in the void deck. She returned to the flat in the morning to collect her belongings. “I was only 20/21 years old when I went through my divorce and I had to go through it alone. Nobody was there to help me (in court).”

Liya’s story: “It is so hard to find an affordable place for my daughter and I to stay together, and many landlords don’t allow babies to live in the units. I’ve already been rejected before but I really hope that HDB would be understanding of our situation.”

Marie’s story: Marie and her son are currently living in her parents’ four-room flat, together with her parents and brother. Marie and her son are sharing a room, but she is worried about the eventual lack of space and privacy when her son grows up. 

Lina’s story: Lina is working part-time in order to manage caregiving and work responsibilities. She is currently working at a hawker stall, earning around $1000 a month, with no CPF contributions. She is having difficulty paying her mortgage loan (more than $500 a month) as her CPF savings is depleting rapidly.

Anna’s story: “I don’t know what to do about your case. I don’t know how to key into the system. In my 20 years here I have never come across a case like yours.” The officer repeated a few times, and Anna felt embarrassed for being singled out like that and also frustrated that the officer was being very unhelpful.

Sam’s story: When he explained to an HDB officer why it was near impossible to get his ex-wife’s signature, the reply he got was ‘this is your problem’. He tried to seek help from his MP on this matter and went to the Meet-the-People session four times, but only managed to speak to his MP twice.  

Rachel’s story: “After my divorce, I again had to endure paying years of exorbitant rental for renting from the open market, because I do not make the ridiculous income bracket of $1500. Having such archaic and senseless laws in place will only ensure that both parents and children suffer, and create vicious cycles of unnecessary hardship.”

Isabelle’s story: “HDB charges rent based on your gross salary. They don’t care how much I have left in the bank after CPF deductions. I tried to apply for a Build-to-Order flat, but my CPF is not enough… To be honest, I still don’t have any savings. Every month, my salary is all used up.”

Leon’s story: “How would our child when they grow up and find out that their mother is not allowed to enter the country where the rest of us live?”

June’s story: “I don’t want to be unemployed forever, but I am not allowed to work! How about our monthly expenses, my son’s school fees and allowance? Who’s going to bear all this? I don’t think that my eldest son can shoulder it all.”

May’s story: May tried to apply for citizenship two years ago, but was rejected. The ICA officer handling her appeal told her to either get a job that pays at least $3,500 or to “go and marry again lah”.

P’s story: P could not access polyclinics for his son’s immunisations or when his son fell sick, which resulted in him having to pay higher prices at private clinics. 

Andrew’s story: The uncertainty of the couple’s situation and their prolonged separation from each other has forced them to give up on their plans to conceive, halting their IVF sessions altogether.

Y.H.’s story: “People out there need to know that unfair treatment and prejudice happens to pregnant women and mothers in Singapore. Just because we need to take leave for medical care, maternity leave or leave for our children does not mean we are unable to do our work responsibly.”

J’s story: “Everything was done according to law, so there was nothing really to dispute. But it happened exactly on the day that I came back to work, and there was no other staff member being retrenched.”

Natalie’s story: “I wonder whether I could have done something more. Maybe I ate something wrong; perhaps I should have insisted on more tests and swabs for infections; maybe I was too active and did not consider just how risky this pregnancy was, especially since everything seemed to be going so smoothly.”

Berryzuzu’s story: “He told my family and me that he would marry me and help raise the baby. I carried the baby for four months until he decided to bail.”

Davina’s story: “I question why she left me in that environment without saying anything, without asking if I was experiencing the same harm. Without checking that I was OK.”

Cara’s story: “I did not feel that even my friends that I have in Primary School, nor people who are close to me such as my physical family, or my Teachers were people whom I can approach to ask for help. Because in that state, where I was at the time, I did not feel that I will be understood by any one, even if they were Adults or Professionals like Counsellors, even if they say they do understand.”

Sally’s story: “A few months before the diagnosis, two teachers in leadership positions visited us at home to say inappropriate behaviour by a teacher had been witnessed and reported, and would be dealt with. I trusted the school and believed they would take appropriate action. At this stage, Zoey was no longer being taught by the teacher in question. However, she had mentioned to me once about how the teacher had poked her between the breasts and said ‘good job’, which Zoey said she didn’t like. I told her that such behaviour was not okay and to let me know if it happened again.”